Once you get away from a sociopath….stay away NO CONTACT !
Let Pepe LePew show you what lengths the sociopath will go to!
Once you get away from a sociopath….stay away NO CONTACT !
Let Pepe LePew show you what lengths the sociopath will go to!
What do you think about me now ??? Episode 2….see update below I wrote back in the beginning of this blog that the sociopath, CJG, had lied about taking a job I helped him get with a utility company and used that job (he did get offered) to leverage another job with a contractor for more money. The utility company was offering him $82,000 a year plus up to a $20,000 bonus, 40 hr. week use of a company vehicle…not too shabby by most folks today in the working world! However he decided to be greedy and go with the contractor offering him another $20,000 a year. BIG PROBLEM NOW (for him hee hee hee) the contractor lost their contract for the gas company they were working for…oops! Looks like out of state travel or no job! Very happy I’m not around him now! Would love to break “NO CONTACT” at this moment just to text “hate to say I told you so…but I told you so! (but I won’t…) UPDATE 3/28/15…… I was informed by a very reliable source earlier today that CJG is now LAID OFF. ( the back story is that he told someone he asked for the layoff because he knew the company was in financial trouble having lost a 5 year contract and being unble to obtain work elsewhere—-yeah right! ROTFLMOA!…how altruistic of him!) I don’t wish anyone joblessness….but this fool could had a sure thing in his grasp and let it go because of greed and arrogance! Well…you can’t fix stupid!
UPDATE 4/6/15 : CJG had to tuck his tail between his legs and take a job working for the company he left….LOL! Guess unemployment couldn”t pay for the mustang he bought when he thought he had “made it big” with the company that lost the contract!
Can’t say it better than this! Going on 4 months NO CONTACT and feeling strong !!!
Oh the honeymoon phase with the Sociopath❤️. All the right words said, the stroking of your ego, the crazy euphoric sex, the ‘how did I get so lucky meeting someone so wonderful?’, the craving to see each other. Numerous texts and phone calls, words of love & happily-ever-after. Life could not be anymore beautiful.
View original post 572 more words
Just this past Monday CJG “chased down” one of my co-workers on the road, literally saw him driving, swung a u-turn and followed him until he got his attention to pull over.
Once stopped and talking, my co-worker reported that CJG relayed the story of his company losing their contract in Connecticut and that if he wanted to keep working for them, he’d have to move to Rhode Island ….awww…isn’t life a beach! He of course talked as if it were a choice he made….but my co worker stated that CJG seemed quite angry and was sort of quietly raging as if everything was unfair and that he was the victim of all this. (nothing new on that end!)
CJG then went further bringing up that his contacts with the utility at which he was offered the job (the one I helped him get) were no longer there. Now…one retired…a low level employee, the other was my contact and his interviewer…he didn’t know the guy at all! Anyway…point is… he was hitting up my co-worker for contacts at that utility company! As we know here, a narcissitic sociopath will only chase someone else when they want something out of the person! Sad for him, being manipulative, but not very intelligent, he didn’t think that this co-worker wouldn’t have any contacts at that company, it is out of the area he covers and the co-worker has been with our division for less than a year…. again ….awwww…isn’t life a beach! Desperation…. I suppose.
Obviously CJG is quite disturbed that things didn’t go as he orchestrated them!
Since he couldn’t gain the info he wanted out of my co-worker he decided to lie to him about work that was done by the contractor he is works for now, but when he was an inspector for someone else. He told my co-worker that they didn’t “make that mess”, my co-worker stated “yes, your company did…here it is in my notes, I was there when they originally did the work.” CJG continued to deny it as he said “he would have been there if they did”. Now there’s the logic of the Narcissistic Sociopath! Perhaps he was off screwing around when the contractor was working there, or off for the day “playing sick”…or whatever excuse he could come up with since someone else had hard proof that CJG was lying.
After that, according to my co-worker, CJG said he had to go, so the “unplanned” meeting was done” and he slithered away.
Uhhh….nice try dumb ass!
I wrote back in the beginning of this blog that the sociopath, CJG, had lied about taking a job I helped him get with a utility company and used that job (he did get offered) to leverage another job with a contractor for more money. The utility company was offering him $82,000 a year plus up to a $20,000 bonus, 40 hr. week use of a company vehicle…not too shabby by most folks today in the working world! However he decided to be greedy and go with the contractor offering him another $20,000 a year.
BIG PROBLEM NOW (for him hee hee hee) the contractor lost their contract for the gas company they were working for…oops! Looks like out of state travel or no job!
Very happy I’m not around him now! Would love to break “NO CONTACT” at this moment just to text “hate to say I told you so…but I told you so! (but I won’t…)
I was going to post the chapters of the “48 Laws of Power” as I read them, but realized it was an arduous process to do so. Instead I’m posting the laws and a link to the website here:
I’ll comment on some of them in future posts. Knowledge is power as to how these creatures operate.
NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go
too far in displaying your talents oryou might accomplish the opposite—inspire fear and insecurity. Make
your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
NEVER PUT TOO MUCH TRUST IN FRIENDS,
LEARN HOW TO USE ENEMIES
Be wary of friends—they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become
spoiled and tyrannical. But hire aformer enemy and he will be more loyal than afriend, because he has more
to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.
CONCEAL YOUR INTENTIONS
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no
clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop
them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.
ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARY
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original ifyou make it vague, open-ended,and sphinx like. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.
SO MUCH DEPENDS ON REPUTATION—GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFE
Reputation is the cornerstone ofpower. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once it slips,
however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.
COURT ATTENTION AT ALL COST
Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts far nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.
GET OTHERS TO DO THE WORK FOR YOU, BUT ALWAYS TAKE THE CREDIT
Use the wisdom, knowledge, and work of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will beforgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.
MAKE OTHER PEOPLE COME TO YOU—USE BAIT IF NECESSARY
When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains—then attack. You hold the cards.
WIN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS, NEVER THROUGH ARGUMENT
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY
You can die from someone else’s misery—emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are
helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating yoir own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw
misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
LEARN TO KEEP PEOPLE DEPENDENT ON YOU
To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more
freedom you have. Make people depend on youfor their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear.
Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.
USE SELECTIVE HONESTY AND GENEROSITY TO DISARM YOUR VICTIM
One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard ofeven the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift—a Trojan horse— will serve the same purpose.
WHEN ASKING FOR HELP, APPEAL TO PEOPLE’S SELF-INTEREST,
NEVER TO THEIR MERCY OR GRATITUDE
If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him ofyourpast assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself
POSE AS A FRIEND, WORK AS A SPY
Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead.
Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying
CRUSH YOUR ENEMY TOTALLY
All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover,and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.
USE ABSENCE TO INCREASE RESPECT AND HONOR
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heardfrom, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you mme talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.
KEEP OTHERS IN SUSPENDED TERROR: CULTIVATE AN AIR OF UNPREDICTABILITY
Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.
DO NOT BUILD FORTRESSES TO PROTECT YOURSELF—ISOLATION IS DANGEROUS
The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere— everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from— it cuts you off from valuable information,it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people, find allies, mingle.You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.
KNOW WHO YOU’RE DEALING WITH—DO NOT OFFEND THE WRONG PERSON
There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to
your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then—never offend or deceive the wrong person.
DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYONE
It is thefool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others—flaying people against one another, making them pursue you.
PLAY A SUCKER TO CATCH A SUCKER—SEEM DUMBER THAN YOUR MARK
No one likes feeling stupider than the next person. The trick, then, is to make your victims feel smart and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.
USE THE SURRENDER TACTIC: TRANSFORM WEAKNESS INTO POWER
When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction off ighting and defeating you—surrender first. By turning the other cheek you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.
CONCENTRATE YOUR FORCES
Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another—intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.
PLAY THE PERFECT COURTIER
The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the most oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.
Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commandsattention and never bares the audience Be the master ofyour own image rather than letting others define it for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions— your power will be
enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.
KEEP YOUR HANDS CLEAN
You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s- paws to disguise your involvement.
PLAY ON PEOPLE’S NEED TO BELIEVE TO CREATE A CULTLIKE FOLLOWING
People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.
ENTER ACTION WITH BOLDNESS
If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution.Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one the timid.
PLAN ALL THE WAY TO THE END
The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.
MAKE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS SEEM EFFORTLESS
Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work—it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.
CONTROL THE OPTIONS: GET OTHERS TO PLAY WITH THE CARDS YOU DEAL
The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control,but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both o fwhich serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.
PLAY TO PEOPLE’S FANTASIES
The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes from disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oasis in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.
DISCOVER EACH MAN’S THUMBSCREW
Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall That weakness is usually an insecurity, an uncontrollable
emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.
BE ROYAL IN YOUR OWN FASHION: ACT LIKE A KING TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated: In the long run, appearing vulgar or common, will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.
MASTER THE ART OF TIMING
Never seem to be in a hurry—hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.
DISDAIN THINGS YOU CANNOT HAVE: IGNORING THEM IS THE BEST REVENGE
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.
CREATE COMPELLING SPECTACLES
Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power—everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then, full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.
THINK AS YOU LIKE BUT BEHAVE LIKE OTHERS
If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways,
people will think that you only want attention and that you look dawn upon them. They will find a way to
punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.
STIR UP WATERS TO CATCH FISH
Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you
can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies
off-halance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the string.
DESPISE THE FREE LUNCH
What is offered for free is dangerous—it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth payingfor By payingyour own way you stay clear ofgratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price—there is no cutting comers with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating,for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.
AVOID STEPPING INTO A GREAT MAN’S SHOES
What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great mann or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not ofyour own meting: Establish your ovm name and identity by changing course. Slay the over bearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.
STRIKE THE SHEPHERD AND THE SHEEP WILL SCATTER
Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual—the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoner of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them— they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influenceby isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.
WORK ON THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF OTHERS
Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to
move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow tohate you.
DISARM AND INFURIATE WITH THE MIRROR EFFECT
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of the Mirror Effect.
PREACH THE NEED FOR CHANGE, BUT NEVER REFORM TOO MUCH AT ONCE
Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too mu£h innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. Ifyou are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.
NEVER APPEAR TOO PERFECT
Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.
DO NOT GO PAST THE MARK YOU AIMED FOR; IN VICTORY, LEARN WHEN TO STOP
The moment of victory is open at the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.
By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your
enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.
I came across this book called the “The 48 Laws of Power” written by Robert Greene. Others have opined that it could be called the “Sociopaths Handbook”…after reading the first 3 chapters I couldn’t agree more! I’ll put some of the chapters here as I read them. Certainly a good look on how they, and the world of power, work.
“LAW 1:NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER JUDGMENT
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior.
In your desire to please and impress them, do not go too
far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish
the opposite—inspire fear and insecurity. Make your
masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will
attain the heights of power.
TRANSGRESSION OF THE LAW
Nicolas Fouquet, Louis XIVs finance minister in the first years of his reign,
was a generous man who loved lavish parties, pretty women, and poetry.
He also loved money, for he led an extravagant lifestyle. Fouquet was
clever and very much indispensable to the king, so when the prime minister,
Jules Mazarin, died, in 1661, the finance minister expected to be
named the successor. Instead, the king decided to abolish the position. This
and other signs made Fouquet suspect that he was falling out of favor, and
so he decided to ingratiate himself with the king by staging the most spectacular
party the world had ever seen. The party’s ostensible puipose
would be to commemorate the completion of Fouquet’s chateau, Vaux-le-
Vicomte, but its real function was to pay tribute to the king, the guest of
The most brilliant nobility of Europe and some of the greatest minds
of the time—La Fontaine, La Rochefoucauld, Madame de Sevigne
attended the party. Moliere wrote a play for the occasion, in which he
himself was to perform at the evening’s conclusion. The party began with a
lavish seven-course dinner, featuring foods from the Orient never before
tasted in France, as well as new dishes created especially for the night.
The meal was accompanied with music commissioned by Fouquet to
honor the king.
After dinner there was a promenade through the chateau’s gardens.
The grounds and fountains of Vaux-le-Vicomte were to be the inspiration
Fouquet personally accompanied the young king through the geometrically
aligned arrangements of shrubbery and flower beds. Arriving at the
gardens’ canals, they witnessed a fireworks display, which was followed by
the performance of Moliere’s play. The party ran well into the night and
everyone agreed it was the most amazing affair they had ever attended.
The next day, Fouquet was arrested by the king’s head musketeer,
D’Artagnan. Three months later he went on trial for stealing from the
country’s treasury. (Actually, most of the stealing he was accused of he had
done on the king’s behalf and with the king’s permission.) Fouquet was
found guilty and sent to the most isolated prison in France, high in the
Pyrenees Mountains, where he spent the last twenty years of his life in solitary
Louis XIV, the Sun King, was a proud and arrogant man who wanted to be
the center of attention at all times; he could not countenance being outdone
in lavishness by anyone, and certainly not his finance minister. To
succeed Fouquet, Louis chose Jean-Baptiste Colbert, a man famous for his
parsimony and for giving the dullest parties in Paris. Colbert made sure
that any money liberated from the treasury went straight into Louis’s
hands. With the money, Louis built a palace even more magnificent than
Fouquet’s—^the glorious palace of Versailles. He used the same architects.
decorators, and garden designer. And at Versailles, Louis hosted parties
even more extravagant than the one that cost Fouquet his freedom.
Let us examine the situation. The evening of the party, as Fouquet presented
spectacle on spectacle to Louis, each more magnificent than the one
before, he imagined the affair as demonstrating his loyalty and devotion to
the king. Not only did he think the party would put him back in the king’s
favor, he thought it would show his good taste, his connections, and his
popularity, making him indispensable to the king and demonstrating that
he would make an excellent prime minister. Instead, however, each new
spectacle, each appreciative smile bestowed by the guests on Fouquet,
made it seem to Louis that his own friends and subjects were more
charmed by the finance minister than by the king himself, and that Fouquet
was actually flaunting his wealth and power. Rather than flattering Louis
XIV, Fouquet’s elaborate party offended the king’s vanity. Louis would not
admit this to anyone, of course—^instead, he found a convenient excuse to
rid himself of a man who had inadvertentiy made him feel insecure.
Such is the fate, in some form or other, of all those who unbalance the
master’s sense of self, poke holes in his vanity, or make him doubt his preeminence.
When the evening began, Fouquet was at the top of the world.
By the time it had ended, he was at the bottom.
OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW
In the early 1600s, the Italian astronomer and mathematician Galileo
found himself in a precarious position. He depended on the generosity of
great rulers to support his research, and so, like all Renaissance scientists,
he would sometimes make gifts of his inventions and discoveries to the
leading patrons of the time. Once, for instance, he presented a military
compass he had invented to the Duke of Gonzaga. Then he dedicated a
book explaining the use of the compass to the Medicis. Both rulers were
grateful, and through them Galileo was able to find more students to teach.
No matter how great the discovery, however, his patrons usually paid him
with gifts, not cash. This made for a life of constant insecurity £ind dependence.
There must be an easier way, he thought.
Galileo hit on a new strategy in 1610, when he discovered the moons
of Jupiter. Instead of dividing the discovery among his patrons—giving
one the telescope he had used, dedicating a book to another, and so on—as
he had done in the past, he decided to focus exclusively on the Medicis. He
chose the Medicis for one reason: Shortly after Cosimo I had estabhshed
the Medici dynasty, in 1540, he had made Jupiter, the mightiest of the
gods, the Medici symbol—a symbol of a power that went beyond politics
and banking, one Hnked to ancient Rome and its divinities.
Galileo turned his discovery of Jupiter’s moons into a cosmic event
honoring the Medicis’ greatness. Shortly after the discovery, he announced
that “the bright stars [the moons ofJupiter] offered themselves in the heavens”
to his telescope at the same time as Cosimo II’s enthronement He
said that the number of the moons—four—harmonized with the number of
the Medicis (Cosimo II had three brothers) and that the moons orbited
Jupiter as these four sons revolved around Cosimo I, the dynasty’s founder.
More than coincidence, this showed that the heavens themselves reflected
the ascendancy of the Medici family. After he dedicated the discovery to
the Medicis, Galileo commissioned an emblem representing Jupiter sitting
on a cloud with the four stars circling about him, and presented this to
Cosimo II as a symbol of his link to the stars.
In 1610 Cosimo II made Galileo his official court philosopher and
mathematician, with a full salary. For a scientist this was the coup of a lifetime.
The days of begging for patronage were over.
In one stroke, Galileo gained more with his new strategy than he had in
years of begging. The reason is simple: All masters want to appear more
brilliant than other people.
They do not care about science or empirical truth or the latest invention;
they care about their name and their glory. Galileo gave the Medicis
infinitely more glory by linking their name with cosmic forces than he had
by making them the patrons of some new scientific gadget or discovery.
Scientists are not spared the vagaries of court life and patronage. They
too must serve masters who hold the purse strings. And their great intellectual
powers can make the master feel insecure, as if he were only there to
supply the funds—an ugly, ignoble job. The producer of a great work
wants to feel he is more than just the provider of the financing. He wants to
appear creative and powerful, and also more important than the work produced
in his name. Instead of insecurity you must give him glory. Galileo
did not challenge the intellectual authority of the Medicis with his discovery,
or make them feel inferior in any way; by literally aligning them with
the stars, he made them shine brilliantly among the courts of Italy. He did
not outshine the master, he made the master outshine all others.
KEYS TO POWER
Everyone has insecurities. When you show yourself in the world and display
your talents, you naturally stir up all kinds of resentment, envy, and
other manifestations of insecurity. This is to be expected. You cannot spend
your life worrying about the petty feelings of others. With those above you,
however, you must take a different approach: When it comes to power,
outshining the master is perhaps the worst mistake of all.
Do not fool yourself into thinking that life has changed much since the
days of Louis XIV and the Medicis. Those who attain high standing in life
are like kings and queens: They want to feel secure in their positions, and
superior to those around them in inteUigence, wit, and charm. It is a deadly
but common misperception to believe that by displaying and vaunting
your gifts and talents, you are winning the master’s affection. He may feign
appreciation, but at his first opportunity he will replace you with someone
less intelligent, less attractive, less threatening, just as Louis XIV replaced
the sparkling Fouquet with the bland Colbert. And as with Louis, he will
not admit the truth, but will find an excuse to rid himself of your presence.
This Law involves two rules that you must realize. First, you can inadvertently
outshine a master simply by being yourself. There are masters
who are more insecure than others, monstrously insecure; you may naturally
outshine them by your charm and grace.
No one had more natural talents than Astorre Manfredi, prince of
Faenza. The most handsome of all the young princes of Italy, he captivated
his subjects with his generosity and open spirit.
In the year 1500, Cesare Borgia laid siege to Faenza. When the city
surrendered, the citizens expected the worst from the cruel Borgia, who,
however, decided to spare the tOAAoi: He simply occupied its fortress, executed
none of its citizens, and allowed Prince Manfredi, eighteen at the
time, to remain with his court, in complete freedom.
A few weeks later, though, soldiers hauled Astorre Manfredi away to a
Roman prison. A year after that, his body was fished out of the River
Tiber, a stone tied around his neck. Borgia justified the horrible deed with
some sort of trumped-up charge of treason and conspiracy, but the real
problem was that he was notoriously vain and insecure. The young man
was outshining him without even trying. Given Manfredi’s natural talents,
the prince’s mere presence made Borgia seem less attractive and charismatic.
The lesson is simple: If you cannot help being charming and superior,
you must learn to avoid such monsters of vanity. Either that, or find a
way to mute your good qualities when in the company of a Cesare Borgia.
Second, never imagine that because the master loves you, you can do
anything you want. Entire books could be written about favorites who fell
out of favor by taking their status for granted, for daring to outshine. In
late-sixteenth-century Japan, the favorite of Emperor Hideyoshi was a man
called Sen no Rikyu, The premier artist of the tea ceremony, which had become
an obsession with the nobility, he was one of Hideyoshi’s most
trusted advisers, had his own apartment in the palace, and was honored
throughout Japan. Yet in 1591, Hideyoshi had him arrested and sentenced
to death. Rikyu took his own life, instead. The cause for his sudden change
of fortune was discovered later: It seems that Rikyu, former peasant and
later court favorite, had had a wooden statue made of himself wearing sandals
(a sign of nobihty) and posing loftily He had had this statue placed in
the most important temple inside the palace gates, in clear sight of the royalty
who often would pass by. To Hideyoshi this signified that Rikyu had
no sense of limits. Presuming that he had the same rights as those of the
highest nobihty, he had forgotten that his position depended on the emperor,
and had come to believe that he had earned it on his own. This was
an unforgivable miscalculation of his own importance and he paid for it
with his life. Remember the following: Never take your position for
granted and never let any favors you receive go to your head.
Knowing the dangers of outshining your master, you can turn this Law
to your advantage. First you must flatter and puff up your master. Overt
flattery can be effective but has its limits; it is too direct and obvious, and
looks bad to other courtiers. Discreet flattery is much more powerful. If
you are more intelligent than your master, for example, seem the opposite:
Make him appear more intelligent than you. Act naive. Make it seem that
you need his expertise. Commit harmless mistakes that will not hurt you in
the long run but will give you the chance to ask for his help. Mcisters adore
such requests. A master who cannot bestow on you the gifts of his experience
may direct rancor and ill will at you instead.
If your ideas are more creative than your master’s, ascribe them to
him, in as public a manner as possible. Make it clear that your advice is
merely an echo of his advice.
If you surpass your mcister in wit, it is okay to play the role of the court
jester, but do not make him appear cold and surly by comparison. Tone
down your humor if necessary, and find ways to make him seem the dispenser
of amusement and good cheer. If you are naturally more sociable
and generous than your master, be careful not to be the cloud that blocks
his radiance from others. He must appear as the sun around which everyone
revolves, radiating power and brilliance, the center of attention. If you
are thrust into the position of entertaining him, a display of your Hmited
means may win you his sympathy. Any attempt to impress him with your
grace and generosity can prove fatal: Learn from Fouquet or pay the price.
In all of these cases it is not a weakness to disguise your strengths if
in the end they lead to power. By letting others outshine you, you remain
in control, instead of being a victim of their insecurity. This will all come in
handy the day you decide to rise above your inferior status. If, like Galileo,
you can make your master shine even more in the eyes of others, then you
are a godsend and you will be instandy promoted.
The Stars in the
Sky. There can be only
one sun at a time. Never
obscure the sunlight, or
rival the sun’s brilliance;
rather, fade into the sky and
find ways to heighten
the master star’s
Authority: Avoid outshining the master. All superiority is odious, but the
superiority of a subject over his prince is not only stupid, it is fatal. This is a
lesson that the stars in the sky teach us—they may be related to the sun,
and just as brilliant, but they never appear in her company. (Baltasar
You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you
must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing
to fear from outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such
scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he
is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at
key moments. If he is very weak and ready to fall, let nature take its course.
Do not risk outshining a feeble superior—it might appear cruel or spiteful.
But if your master is firm in his position, yet you know yourself to be the
more capable, bide your time and be patient. It is the natural course of
things that power eventually fades and weakens. Your master will fall
someday, and if you play it right, you will oudive and someday outshine
As it is with the narcisstic sociopath….as it was with CJG
The Farmer and the Snake
ONE WINTER a Farmer found a Snake stiff and frozen with cold.
The snake said to the Farmer:
“If you pick me up and hold me to your stomach, your body will make me warm.”
The Farmer said:
“If I do that you will bite me.”
The Snake answered:
“Why would I do that if you save me?”
The Farmer had compassion on the Snake, and taking it up, placed it in his bosom.
The Snake was quickly revived by the warmth, and resuming its natural instincts, bit its benefactor, inflicting on him a mortal wound.
“Oh,” cried the Farmer, “Why did you bite me after I saved you?”
“You knew I was a snake when you picked me up,” answered the Snake.
With his last breath the farmer said:
“I am rightly served for pitying a scoundrel.”
Sometimes our toughest experiences are our best teachers. CJG showed me that evil does exist in the world. I’ve had these run-ins with sociopaths throughout my life in different forms, but never really put it down to an evil presence in the world. Maybe it was too scary to really see, and just how little control I had over it. I was raised to believe that if I worked hard, and did my best I would be rewarded…yet life has shown me time and time again that was a false teaching, perhaps teaching those of us who aren’t sociopaths/psychopaths to be good followers and to do their bidding without complaint.Of course, we can have a decent comfortable living, but never the “high end” success of those that are “high functioning” psychopaths. CJG was a rather low functioning sociopath, he was a scumbag without the money, nonetheless he brought this teaching to a very personal place in my life where it was illumined like a 1000 watt light bulb! Darkness can’t exist without Light and Light can not exist without the Darkness. Light will always flow to where the darkness provides a void for it to enter. Think about the sociopaths rage when the truth (light) exposes the mask (dark) of the sociopaths secrets!…just like a vampire caught out in the daylight!
The below article originally appeared in “The Daily Kos” on Sept. 10, 2011:
“Why High-Functioning Psychopaths Rule The World”
“In general, most people are very complex and can exhibit different personality traits at different times. But one can also say that there tends to be two distinct groupings in societies’ power structures: Those who can be characterized as “normal,” and those who view the world through a prism heavily influenced by psychopathy and sociopathy.
My take (by trying to understand the world around me) is that the great majority of people operate under the “normal” approach, when it comes to power-plays and relationships. A very small minority could be characterized as high-functioning sociopaths and/or psychopaths.
And it’s not that the majority is “normal” as in not being afflicted by all kinds of personality, psychological, and psychiatric disorders… If you watch enough TV in the U.S., you’ll be bombarded with advertisement for all kinds of psychotropic drugs.
By “normal,” what I mean is that people tend to say and do things in accordance to their real thoughts, emotions, views, ideas, beliefs. In other words, in a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” mode.
By contrast, the high-functioning psychopath is “characterized primarily by a lack of empathy and remorse, shallow emotions, egocentricity, and deceptiveness.” And because of it, they tend to rule the world. They rise to the highest levels of power in politics, and business.
If you are ambitious and choose to get involved in power-plays, the first thing you need to recognize is that you have to leave your values, emotions, ideals, and most high-minded human traits, “at the door” (as it were), if you want to have a shot to become the “top dog.”
There is an angle to everything you say and do; to every relationship you choose to “nurture.” Like a chameleon, you adapt your message to your audience, to your environment; you are folksy with folksy folks, and you are high-brow and educated and a little snobbish when you are with the snobs.
You become so good at it, that in every circle people can’t stop pointing out what a “nice guy” you are, and how smart you are, and how you connect with people with such ease.
But to you, it’s all mechanical; a game. There are no emotions involved at all–God forbid.
In politics, I observe how this phenomena works so perfectly, both on the left and the right. On the right the useful idiots (the normal people) are the end-of-days religious fundamentalists, and the nativists, and the racists, and the nationalists. All acting out of their true beliefs and emotions, and being manipulated by the sociopathic ruling class.
On the left, they are those who earnestly go about trying to respond to every absurdity coming out of the loony right-wing. Refuting every stupid and absurd comment with facts, and studies, and statistics. And basking in the glory of being right about the issues, about the science, about the empirical evidence. All done in a mainly ineffective and powerless echo chamber. But ultimately, also being manipulated by the same sociopathic ruling class.
I’ve been in sales, marketing, consulting, advertising, and technology for years. I’ve been involved with business associations, chambers of commerce, community organization, non-profits.
I’ve seen one recurring thing in all those environments, when it comes to the naiveté of well-meaning people who have ambition to get ahead, or get promoted, or get a raise. I’ve had this conversation many times… I ask them “So you want to be promoted? And you think that because you are really good at what you do, and knowledgeable, and are never late to work, etc., that you should be noticed and that a promotion should be coming your way?”
They look at me perplexed, like saying “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” Obviously, they are a lost cause, but I try my best to leave them with something to think about: “If you want a promotion, and a position of leadership (and more responsibility) and a raise, then you have to play the ‘power-play,’ the ‘political game.’ Everything you do has to have an angle; every conversation; every project you take on; everything you volunteer to. Who knows about what you’re doing, about your successes, about your contribution? How are you going to ‘protect’ the organization, and above all, how your boss, your supervisor, the owner of the company, the president of the organization, is going to personally benefit by giving you a promotion?”
I’ve had similar conversations with lots of people, and invariably, sometimes they are appalled that it should come down to those considerations. They proudly say, “I don’t like to play those games… With me, it’s-what-you-see-is-what-you-get.” And so it will be. If you don’t understand the concept of how to acquire power, then you’ll never have it.
It has little to do with how right you are about anything.”
see the below link for numerous intelligent comments on this article
As I was finishing the last blog post this Jethro Tull (Ian Anderson) song popped into my head. I think it says alot about everything a good yet perfect & imperfect relationship is, and exactly what a relationshio with a a narcissistic sociopath is not.
How we feel today
Last night sipped the sunset
My hand in her hair
We are our own saviors
As we start
Both our hearts beating life
Into each other
Will the years treat us well
As she floats in the kitchen
I’m tasting the smell
Of toast as the butter runs
Then she comes
Spilling crumbs on the bed
And I shake my head
And it’s only the giving
That makes you what you are
Read more: Jethro Tull – Wond’ring Aloud Lyrics | MetroLyrics
There was an emptiness behind the eyes of CJG. While in the relationship, at times I would notice that it seemed like no one was home even while he was talking. After I got away from him, I realized that he exhibited all the classic signs of socipathy, including the sociopathic “intense, blank stare”. It’s difficult to put into words what this look was like…but try this…
Imagine you’re looking at a soda can on a table from 10′ away. (presume it’s room temp to eliminate condensation) the tab is open. Can you tell if it’s empty or full?
Now see yourself speaking with a human being… Are his/her eyes full of life and energy or is there something missing?
If you’re with a sociopath you’ll sense a deadness….a lifeless emptiness behind their eyes. As if there was a void or barren vacuum present. Yep….really freaky! Nonetheless, you’ll find there’s no one there to connect with….just a present sense of danger. I found the look disturbing enough to end the dicussion as apparently “it was disturbing his physche”…like being with dog that is growling a silent growl at you to warn you to come no closer! It seemed that to move in any closer would have sucked me into a blackhole from which there was no return!
If you ever experience something remotely close to this RUN!…don’t walk away!
Btw…you can really see this in a photo by covering the face and looking at the eyes! The eyes will also often look off center. The person can be smiling , but the eyes will show the empty void, and the lack of a human presence.
Everything that comes out your mouth is hot and black like treacle,
Never once have you said anything other than anything deceitful.
You’re poisonous and toxic, dangerous and deceptive,
Consuming all around you and so relentlessly receptive.
Swallowing each indiscretion and choking on your fumes,
While all around you are but pawn’s for your own use.
Stained with the vague idea that you are a ‘person’
In reality I watch as your psychosis gradually worsens.
The only thing I know for sure; your gender and your name,
Behind closed doors and cold surfaces I watch you shift the blame.
The feelings that you say you feel are all just a charade,
Never once have you been genuine, never let down your guard.
But I’m the one whose laughing now, I’m the one that’s real,
I have the ability to love and to care, the ability to feel.
You’ll never be more than a shadow, a watery reflection in the mirror,
And by default I am everything you’re not; I’ll always be the winner.
“It would be unwise, however, to look down upon the spiritless with contempt. They are what they are, living their lives in accordance with their makeup. They should be handled no differently from how one handles a wild animal that acts according to its feral nature. It is only by trying to hold the spiritless up to higher spiritual standards that frustration sets in. Without expecting too much of them, and by understanding why they behave as they do, frustration gives way to calm insight.”
The above is a quote from a long article I just read on “Spiritless Humans”. A bit of a metaphysical view on sociopaths,psychopaths, and narcissists. Hey—-I don’t have a better explanation for the empty shell of a human being I was involved with. If nothing else…it’s a very interesting concept…and my goodness…it fits!
Here’s the link to the webpage and article: http://montalk.net/matrix/157/spiritless-humans
I just had a quick chuckle when I realized I sent CJG pics of many things…flowers, nature scenes, houses, cookies I made him, a few sexy pics of me, me smiling, assorted scenes that were funny – true that happened during the day, projects I was working on or completed…and the list goes on…the only pics I have that he sent me are of his fast/loud cars and of his penis ( a dozen or so)! Never occured to me while in the relationship that maybe there really is a correlation between sexual prowness (penis size) and guys who drive/own fast cars and big trucks! Now, CJG was completely “average” in size but he had no idea how to use it to share intimately…or lovingly! He was seemingly obsessed that it used to be “twice the size” when he was younger. Guess I missed out…(eyeroll!) He was also fond of toys used on him…yep….you guessed where! I have to think that to CJG, his penis was one of his toys that he thought he could use to control women, but in reality it truly exposed his lack of impulse control…. and we know how s’paths feel about exposure!
I have to wonder if sociopaths think all women don’t want them, but only want their “toy”, like they only use other people to serve their selfish needs,and then treat us with contempt as they think we “need” them to make us happy. Do they really believe we are all as shallow as they are? Do they know there’s a difference? Do they really think they’re doing us a favor?
Well…best I can determine is that sociopathic men really aren’t “men” at all anyway, They have never mentally left the sandbox and don’t most little boys always want bigger toys!
UPDATE: I found out CJG bought a “new toy” a few months ago…what a shock! A black mustang that’s several years old! Well if you see a black mustang with combination plates 4173 CN in CT. do yourself favor and stay far away….the owner is “one of those”.
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
I added these in memory of CJG…
10. I”m not cheating on you! I’m sharing my uniqueness with the world. I can’t believe you miss seeing that
11. Can I borrow $200? Give me $200 that you probably never see again ….I have to pay back the last sucker I borrowed money from
12. I love having sex with you. Masturbation is beneath me.
I write this to share my story with others who may be in a similar situation. I hope it might be able help you save yourself days, months or perhaps years of unhappiness and strife. It is still being edited as I recall events and important details.What follows is pretty much just the history of the relationship. I will be posting further blog entries as to how I came to the conclusion that this guy was a narcissitic sociopath. So many lies that it’s difficult to dermine when in fact he was telling the truth. Should I believe that he hurt animals because he made mean remarks about them? Should I believe that he was involved with criminal figures? that he was friends with senators? that he had a great relationship with Paul Newman? that women threw themselves at him?…probably not. Nonetheless…those stories will follow.
I met CJG in the late Spring of 2011 at work. We were both inspectors for different entities working on a municipal project to install sewer lines in a town in Fairfield County Connecticut. He was on the job there for about 9 years when I met him. My inspection activities only involved a section of roadway approximately a mile long. We seemed to hit it off amazingly well! He was super friendly, charming, and a gentleman. We would chat when I stopped at the project, he seemed intelligent, curious and appeared to be genuinely interested in my life. Well the chats turned into sharing lunches together and getting to know one another casually. I was single (divorced 5 years) and he stated that he was with a shrew of a woman he had 3 kids with but that he never married her. He claimed they hadn’t slept together or had sex in years. He described their relationship as a horrible nightmare. He said he was going to be leaving her soon, though it was complicated because they owned property jointly. Of course, this didn’t sound plausible but hey, everyone’s situation is different (right?)
As time went by on the project I butted heads with him a couple times over required specifications…he didn’t handle being told he had to have the contractor follow standards as interpreted by someone other than himself well — his twist on them anyway! To back step a bit…I haven’t mentioned the fact that the FBI was investigating this project at the request of the Town’s First Selectman due to bidding issues and change orders that made the contractor big $$$. CJG was an inspector under investigation, he approved those change orders in the field. He had shared this with me early on in our conversations and he seemed anxious about it. I thought he was being a bit paranoid.
The summer went on and he and I were quite close by September. We went on our first date on September 23rd to Kent Falls and had a wonderful day together. We talked quite a bit about his relationship status with JG …as he called her— “the Mother of his children”. He stated then that he was working on getting out of the relationship but his adult kids were involved as two of them still lived at home. Like many of the sites on sociopaths say…he was my best friend, soulmate, and we both stated how we could see ourselves together in a couple of years. I was falling in love with him.
It was shortly after that we had this very odd transaction that blew my mind and left me totally confused. CJG had asked me if I would (in theory) spend a weekend with him…there was no actual plan. I responded by saying that “yes, but we don’t seem to be able to find the time to have a couple drinks together, nevermind spending two full days together, how are we going to do that” (remember we did see each other daily on the project) Well he had a fit…stating that “I have to go NOW! I saw the expression on your face” I said, “What expression? Shock that you asked”? He just said he had to go, there was nothing to talk about and that it would be a long time before he asked again. then left. I felt stunned and like wtf! Where did this come from? After calling him a few times he picked up his phone and we met to discuss it further. He said he wasn’t feeling comfortable talking with me and that he needed time to “think about what happened”… what did happen? …he made up made up situation to bring about chaos to put me off balance, emotionally manipulate and mind f-ck me. Everything was back to normal when I saw him the next day, as if nothing at all ever happened. Back to being the seemingly wonderful man I met a few months previous. I felt happy and pushed whatever b.s it was to the back of my mind.
In October we went on a couple day trips and still saw each other at work daily…it seemed we were just “meant to be together”. He said he loved just being with me, and I loved being with him.
Then came the end of October. He claimed JG hacked into his email and found all the sweet talk, plans we had and places we went. He then blamed me for emailing him…that I shouldn’t have been doing that (uhhh…he gave me his email and did respond!) Now he was caught. I have no idea what he told her to explain… but knowing what I do now…it was all lies. The result of all this was that I created a screen name for him on my account we could use…well…so much for me emailing him being the problem!
Over the next few weeks things were a bit strained CJG was not quite the same man I met a few months ago. We talked about it and he claimed it was work stuff…that his employer was trying to fire him for his alleged actions. The project was coming to a close and he and I couldn’t see each other quite as much as we were but did when we could. He would come over or we meet somewhere and make the most of the time we had together. We had been frequently discussing his choices in how to get out of his relationship, in particular partition agreements and how to sell jointly held property.
He then took me completely off guard on the phone one morning at the end of November.
He told me that his friend Mike’s father told Mike to remind CJG that he was in fact married! That he by a “civil undertaking” filed paperwork for marriage in order to give his future daughter his last name. He said they never had a ceremony or even said “I do”…and that a relative that worked for the Town had a local priest sign the marriage certificate making it legal.
I was surprised but not shocked ….the story so far just didn’t make sense. So now what? He claimed that she was going to file divorce papers “soon”…that he just didn’t know when. So now I was dating a guy who supposedly was going to get divorced, but nonetheless was married, which really violated my morals and value system. I have never knowingly dated or had sex with a married man. He knew from talking to me in the first few days of our having met that I felt that way… so CJG lied from the start. This whole thing threw me for a loop because he was so believable that he wasn’t married, how awful things were for him at home, how much he loved being with me and how often he spoke of our future together. He promised the divorce was coming.
Something else however started happening more frequently, it had happened a few times at the start, but now that his marital status had “changed”, it bothered me. He would cancel plans we had at the last minute, sometimes leaving me hanging on without even a phone call. When I did finally manage to speak with him on the phone it was always some “unavoidable” plausible excuse that occurred. Lets’s see: Axle broke on the trailer he was towing on the highway, Sons/Daughters/ JG’s car died, he was sick…puking all night and day….sinus infection… ear infection….back went out…, tree fell on the house, furnace broken, out of town guests he didn’t know were coming, forgot he had to help someone move, and many others that were believable because no one “normal” would make it up. It didn’t make me at all happy …yet I put it off to his stress level.
I the meantime I had decided to sell my house after having considering it for a year or so before I met CJG. The house was needing a lot of work and consuming most of my paycheck just to live in it. So over the winter of 2012 I put it on the market and started house shopping. When I found something I was interested in I would bring CJG along with me to check it out as he was experienced in home building and restoration. At least that was my intention. However, it started to become “we’re looking at homes”…I loved CG, but as he was married this wasn’t in my plans. One particular house “we” looked at “we” both really liked and he thought I should put an offer in on it right away. (I really liked the house, but the somewhat isolated country area it was in didn’t leave me comfortable living there alone) He further thought that I should put his name on the title….my first real insight to his insanity and manipulation. When I informed him that there was no way in double hockey sticks his name was going on the title with no investment, and still being legally married, he had another one of his fits. I tried to explain that if it was, the house would become part of his marital property…he just said he didn’t care to talk to me and had to go….and that I “thought like a single person”…well YEAH! He wouldn’t talk to me for a few days. Then, like after his other meltdown, he was suddenly fine, but he wasn’t as interested in helping me out in evaluating homes to buy after that. I was now seeing a pattern that saying NO to CG meant he would have a tantrum rivaling that of any 3 year old who didn’t get his way.
At this point, it looked likely that as of July CJG would be let go from his job. He would often seem depressed and down and I did everything I could to help him out. Writing his resume, providing him job leads, being there before and after he was questioned by the FBI. Always there to sexually satisfy him, distract him from his pain, while few of my sexual needs were met. He was also somewhat sexually dysfunctional…something else that I thought that once he was divorced and less stressed might improve. (didn’t happen…) It was becoming apparent that reciprocation wasn’t often in his repertoire.
He was let go from his town position in July 2012, and finally in late summer of 2012 JG filed the divorce papers! Things although stressful seemed to be at least moving. I sold my house in July, bought another and moved into it in August. He did help me with the move with a few dump runs and providing a trailer I loaded, he delivered, and I unloaded, but his interest was limited….not the house he wanted…and in a neighborhood that wasn’t isolated…no extra space there either for him to use.
I helped him get another job which he started in October 2012.
He (they) delayed putting their house on the market until late Spring 2013….oh it…needs paint, repairs…it’s just not ready, then the holidays and the (lack of) a winter market around here….then first thing in the Spring, then their daughter was supposed to get married (another thing that didn’t happen)…I don’t recall when it finally went on but it was only for a few months…
As I was suspicious that this divorce wasn’t’ going to happen I would go online and check the court status of their divorce case. In June or so I saw that a “reconciliation agreement” was filed!
I immediately called CJG and said wtf is this! He claimed they weren’t reconciling the marriage and that it was an agreement that he wouldn’t date during the divorce and some financial breakouts. I questioned some more but only got back “no, no everything is going along fine” the divorce court date is in August. Yet he hadn’t been making any plans for somewhere to live, when I asked what his plans were as things came to a close, he didn’t have any…and would just say he’ll figure it out…very vague and very evasive. We still spent time together but only at my house and we weren’t going anywhere. It was about this time he obtained “the affair” pay as you go phone.8648690 He claimed JG put spyware on his phone and had downloaded all his messages.True, or just anotheE control mechanism…I don’t know….but this is the phone that we were to use to talk and text. Of course it had to be hidden, so it created a whole other realm of excuses for him to use.
Well in August their court date was supposed to be on a Monday so on Saturday morning I checked the court schedule. It showed the court date as being “off”. He and I were supposed to go somewhere Sunday but I couldn’t reach him …and no calls back until I got a text late Saturday night saying he couldn’t go Sunday as he “had fluid drained from his knee and had to stay off it”….I heard nothing else from him though Monday. Monday afternoon I read on the court page “withdrawl of action”. Needless to say I was more than livid! When I finally reached him by phone he just said that it was a last minute thing that he didn’t have any idea prior that she was calling it off…uhhh..yeah…right! He wanted to come over and talk about it. I should have said no…just get the f-ck out of my life!
The following is the worst lie I think anyone one can tell…at least one of the worst! CJG started to “explain” aka. tell what would become a year or so long “story”. He now said that they called it off because she has breast cancer, and that he couldn’t leave her while she would be undergoing treatment, be ill and alone living in some apartment…once the house was sold. He said he was only doing it for her and so the kids would be with her. He followed this up with how much he loved me and countless other flattering statements about what good friends we were and how much he wanted me in his life.
I had no idea what to do. I know my gut said throw him out the door…NOW…yet my heart couldn’t do that. We made love and the whole situation got ignored for a few months. In October, I got very upset with him for more of the same behavior as before…not showing up…not calling. Realizing it was just more of the same, I told him we needed to have the talk we never finished back in August.
Not surprisingly, the conversation was the same as we had before…all emotional manipulation…I didn’t allow the sexual manipulation this time. I still couldn’t let go of the relationship and didn’t want to lose who I thought was at least a friend…or so he had me convinced. I was out of my blinders enough at this time to realize that this relationship was only at, and for, his convenience. My needs really didn’t matter, my feelings really didn’t matter, and he had no empathy for me or anyone. I felt like a toy on a shelf and told him that I felt like one of his cars that he “takes out for a ride now and then”….and I don’t think he actually heard a word of it. I was never in this to have an affair with a married man…and like it or not I was…and I was enabling it to continue.
The next year would be a long breakup as his continuous lying and manipulation made it difficult to get out of the relationship. I had no proof that CJG was lying, or any evidence that he was telling the truth.
I know things changed for me when he didn’t get divorced as I was now dating someone who was married with no plans of getting divorced. CJG was obviously committed to maintaining his lifestyle of deceit in order to fill his bottomless pit of need. We still got together about once a week but the relationship had deteriorated into having a couple drinks and a quickie. He made so many promises of things he would do to help me out and either I would wait months for these things to be done or they wouldn’t happen at all. In the meantime, I, like an idiot, kept treating him as my best friend who I would to most anything for. In November 2013 he asked to borrow $200 to make a payment on a college loan to someone else he borrowed money from. I loaned him the money and of course had to keep asking for him to pay it back and he always had some excuse that he was short (his job didn’t pay all that well and it being holiday season I accepted that this might take longer than I wanted it to). I did notice however that he would have money to buy things he wanted…not necessarily needed. In January 2014 he asked me to locate somewhat rare hinges for an old truck door on line that he had been looking for 14 years for a friends truck he was working on. (That should have told me something!) Long story short I found the hinges and let him know. Of course….he didn’t have the money and the hinges were $300. He asked if I would front him the money. I told him I really didn’t want to as he already owed me the $200. He went on on how long he was looking for these hinges and made an agreement that he would pay me the whole $500 that he owed me at$50 a week. I bought the hinges through paypal so no cash was exchanged directly. He gave me $80 cash that day. Then….I had to keep asking for the money which is exactly what I didn’t want to do and I was resenting having loaned it to him. On a few occasions he gave me some cash back and had paid a total of $275 ( $195 after the $80 he originally gave me) over the course of 3 months, leaving a balance of $225 he still owed. I ended up making an arrangement with him to install a wood stove I had bought in lieu of the $225…I was so tired of asking and he wasn’t getting away without paying me back in some way! I had to “pin him down” to install the stove but ultimately he did do it. Never again would I loan him money! Lesson learned on that end, and I thank my lucky stars that I never got involved with him financially in any other way. Never share account info with these creeps!
This relationship was getting to be way to much work to stay in and it was draining my energy. The past few years of lies and manipulation had taken its toll. I still felt the need to maintain the relationship with him and can only figure I wasn’t ready to see that it was all an illusion…that CJG wasn’t really there at all…just what I wanted to think he was. I wanted to believe him and think that this wasn’t as bad as it appeared. I needed proof…the darn scientist in me didn’t want to admit that if it looks, walks and quacks like a duck … it’s a duck! In this case, if it acts and talks like a pathological lying sociopath…it is…whether professionally diagnosed or not.
2014 went on. He was getting tired of not making enough money in his current job and kept complaining about it, but not really doing anything himself about it. He also frequently blew off plans with me because he was “sick”. As previously mentioned his list of illnesses included prostate cancer (told me that 2 years previous…no treatment????), sinus and ear infections, bad back, bad knee, stomach problems, Lyme disease and associated arthritis (he said he made an appointment with a lyme specialist but it was “canceled” by the doctor’s office, in other words he never went to the appointment, because it probably was never made), also vision problems, anaphylactic seafood allergies, and afib. At least he wasn’t lying about the afib…I had listened to his heartbeat and it was completely erratic…all the time…maybe his heart can’t adjust to the constant lying in his life.
The beginning of the end started in September 2014 when CJG first asked to leave a 1922 Studebaker in my garage for “awhile”. I told him yes, but only until Thanksgiving, as my car goes in the garage during the winter and with the bikes, and lawn equipment I have in there the car extra car wouldn’t fit. I told him if he finished building the shed that he said he “had started building” for me back in March after some blow out “fight” we had, and I had somewhere to put the other stuff then just maybe he could leave the Studebaker in there. Well….not good enough for him! He went into one of his hissy fits because in his little black and white brain the answer was an absolute no. This would require reciprocation and he doesn’t do reciprocation. There is no negotiating with a narcissistic sociopath…it’s either their way or the highway…”let me do exactly what I want, when I want, or face my wrath”. No, I don’t believe he built the walls for the shed as he said… just another “carrot on a stick”.
The second thing that happened would be the final nail in the coffin. As mentioned previously, CJG wanted a better paying job. I found that a utility company at which I had some inside contacts was looking for a supervisor for outside contractors. He asked me to fill out the application on line for him as he’s not computer savvy. I also updated and rewrote his resume and cover letters…which he then had signed by the people they were supposed to have come from. In short, he got an interview, and was offered the position. (as I found out a few months prior, he had been offered a job with a certain contractor a few other times and the person telling me didn’t know why he didn’t previously accept the position…(it paid well) So he accepted the job offer by the utility company, pending background check and physical. Supposedly he went to the physical as scheduled…or so he said. Then, for the next couple weeks he claimed that he hadn’t heard back on the results of the background check or physical yet. However, in the meantime the contractor (that had previously offered him a position…though he wouldn’t admit this when I asked) made him a job offer that paid more than the utility company. We discussed the benefits and drawbacks of each offer, and according to CG, he was conflicted about it…and hadn’t made a decision yet. I had a sinking feeling in my gut that he wasn’t being honest with me, so I called one of my contacts at the utility company who informed me that he had declined the job offer after accepting it. What he did was leverage the utility company position against the contractors offer to get more money out of the contractor…recall back in the beginning of this that he had previously been in trouble for “leveraging opportunities”. I was really angry about having been lied to, but at least I had proof this time, there was no doubt left over. It didn’t matter to me that he took a different job than the one I helped him with, more money is usually always good…the problem was the way in which he did it, and that he lied to me and used me to obtain that leverage point. I immediately did some damage control to protect my reputation by calling my contacts and apologizing that I’d been fooled by this CJG and that he isn’t what he appears to be.
I kept contact with CJG for just a very short while longer and gave myself the opportunity to let him lie to my face when I knew the truth. When he came over the Monday, following me finding out the truth, he stated that he was still conflicted about which offer to accept but thought he’d probably go with the contractor…so I played along. He asked who he should talk to at the utility company and I told him the manager, and that he probably should do it on the phone vs. an email, and just let him know he accepted a job with a contractor since it paid more money… Just be honest. He also brought up for some reason that he didn’t know where his high school diploma was, as he had attended a couple different high schools in different states…a conversation we once had a long time ago. He never attended a graduation and only says he “thinks” he has a diploma, he took a bunch of tests…and they didn’t give him anything he didn’t pass (well we could be talking 2nd grade math!) Perhaps he never gave the permission for the background check to the utility company to hide this information? I’ll never know for sure. The rest of our conversation that day was promises he made about the future…that he wanted to spend more time with me and go places. I asked about how JG was feeling and got more of the same b.s on that I he’d been telling me for a year…she looks old, very thin, don’t know if she was in remission or not…or if she was still ill. I asked if he’s ever seen medication bottles or insurance receipts and he said “oh, she keeps all that locked up”…very strange I’m thinking! Too strange!!! So this went on until he tried to distract me with sex, and left a short time later.
One lie I could prove brought the whole thing down. It was a few days before Thanksgiving, so I waited until Thanksgiving night to tell him I know, what he did with the job offer and that I now wanted evidence that JG in fact has/ had cancer, andthat if he couldn’t povide that evidence or be completely honest, I would “spill the beans” on the entire relationship. This was all through text…I wanted it in writing of some sort. He responded to my text by saying that “He can’t do that” (provide evidence). He texted again to saying he was going to have his daughter call me to deal with my “threat” (to spill the beans on the relationship) and I called his bluff….he called and left a message that he wanted to get together and talk. I texted back that he had until Monday to produce something …pill bottle, photo of a pill bottle, insurance bill…something. On Monday I texted CG, “got evidence”…he texted back again “I can’t do that”. So I asked “Does JG, your wife currently have or did she have breast cancer when you were supposed to get divorced”? His response, and the last I have heard from him , “I really don’t know. I remember saying how much weight she had lost. And bad I felt that clearly was ill. I also had asked” (This was the actual text message..including typos). I wrote a few texts back telling him to keep his lying pathological self away from me and that I hope JG gets him mental help…obviously he’s far sicker than she ever will be! I haven’t contacted him since and thankfully I haven’t heard from CJG.
It’s a tough relationship to “get over” as the person I loved really wasn’t the person I was with. How do you get over an illusion? The relationship with the CJG I loved never really existed except in my mind as the person I thought he was, wasn’t there at all. I’m finding it easier in some ways, and the year plus long break up was really a long preparation phase. I needed proof that CG was in fact just an illusionary entity…that the story wasn’t true. It was a lot of work proving it…but it was worth the effort… I find peace in knowing for a fact that I was lied to. That CJG was just a sociopathic pathological liar and a poor excuse for a human being. It is disturbing that these creatures live among us …ready to pounce on caring and giving people without feeling a shred of empathy, remorse, guilt, shedding a real tear and have no capacity to love and feel joy. At least when things were “good”, I did feel the love and joy, and even now…my emotions are real…and there is even joy in that…these critters will remind us of that!
It also has given me the opportunity to appreciate the person I am. I am thankful for the values I have and try to live by (when I have full knowledge of a situation). I am thankful that I can tell my truth and don’t have to hide. I’m thankful that I can sleep at night, and not be kept awake by the paranoia of being exposed for something I wasn’t truthful about. I’m grateful I don’t have to make up stories to cover deceitful acts. I’m grateful that I’m a person of action, not just words, and that I am a loyal and reliable friend.
He on the other hand CJG will always be his miserable self, only temporarily placated and pacified though a fix of money or sex, or power and control.
“Do your best until you know better. Then when you know better, do better”— Maya Angelou
7 weeks into removing the sociopath from my life and going “no contact” and I’m starting to remember what it’s like to relax and be me. I’m not on a constant edge of what CJG may or may not do next—no unending questions of whether he’ll call or come over as he said he would or do what he said he’d do…no concern over what excuse he will make up this time. My mind is no longer spinning with trying to figure out whether he’s lying or not…if he’s leaving his wife or not….if he’s seeing other women besides JG and I. I have more money in my pocket since I no longer buy him top shelf liquor and cigars….nor make him goodies. I don’t have to think of whether or not I’ll have satisfying sex with CJG…ie. “this time” maybe this time… my needs will get met..or if the sex would ever get better! I no longer have to worry whether I’m good enough for him, which was a delusion anyway…as there is never enough for someone who really isn’t in the relationship to begin with. Getting up daily and not starting my day with a phone call and a mind-f–k is refreshing to say the least! So many questions still arise as to how these human creeps operate and why, but I’m starting to acccept that they just do, and that they do what they do because they can. I’m a long way to recovered, but feeling a lot better. Spending many hours in front of a warm toasty fire, settling in, and getting back to me.
In reading Donna Andersen‘s book Love Fraud, I was struck by how much time and energy her sociopathic ex-husband spent inventing phony business schemes which were doomed to failure. Given his intelligence, charisma and powers of persuasion, he could have created enough successful businesses to last him several lifetimes. But he chose not to create a single successful business venture during his predatory scams of so many trusting and loving partners. So the question arises: Why? Why do sociopaths waste (our) time?
The main answer I’ve given before is that sociopaths don’t have any constructive goals in life. On the contrary, they aim to destroy people and their lives however they can: emotionally, physically and sometimes also financially. Their behavior fits into a pattern that destroys human life and its meaning largely by wasting our time. Nearly everyone I’ve talked to who has been involved with a…
View original post 579 more words
You’re better off consulting a “magic eight ball” than trying to get truth out of a sociopath!
These are statements that at somepoint appeared inside the “Magic Eight Ball
Pretty close to the answers I would get from CG!
This is what sociopaths do…they lie, lie some more, then deny the intitial lies and cover them with another lie seemlessly!
They are human lying machines. They can beat lie detectors Sociopaths can lie and still pass a lie detector test. Not because they’re experienced liars, but since they feel little to no guilt about deceiving people, they register few biological stress indicators.
Their lies create chaos and keep you completely off balance with no idea of what to expect! Ultimately you learn to expect nothing and this is what they want to achieve! Now they have no resonsibilty or obligation to fulfill.
A simple example, CJG would say he’s coming over and he actually only showed up maybe 30% of the time (or less). Over time I stopped thnking he’d actually show up and didn’ t always rush to make sure I was home as quickly as possible after work. Well of course, those would be the times he would be there waiting….and of course he had to harass me about it. There were never any indications/pattern to determine if or when he’d be there, or do what he’d say he’d do. I thought CG was just unreliable the first 2 years…then started reaizing this was a game to him! One where in his mind he “won” either way. Crazy…yes!
This is what sociopaths do…they lie, play cat and mouse games with you, all for their entertainment and to bolster their self esteem..
Sociopaths are like aspartame
Sociopaths mirror our own positive qualities such as empathy and kindness, they are charismatic and charming.Aspartame is artificial sweetness instead of natural sweetness,,,the sociopath will charm the pants off you in the beginning and become toxic in short order, so does aspartame.
Sociopaths are pathological liars….Aspartame is a liar…you think your consuming something sweet…it’s lying to you!
Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. ….fewer calories—less guilt…no conscience—no guilt
Sociopaths are empty inside and provide you with no real nourishment…aspartame is empty caloies with no nutritional value….no substance. Both will help you lose part of yourself in a very unhealthy way!
Sociopaths are toxic to your system….a sociopath is capable of leaving you tired, ill and a complete mess! so does aspartame :http://beyondhealth.com/media/wysiwyg/kadro/articles/Aspartame.pdf
links have been shown bewtween aspartame and violent behavior:
http://www.blatantpropaganda.org/propaganda/articles/is-aspartame-a-dangerous-toxic-poison-doctors-link-it-to-diseases-illnesses.html….Some but not all sociopaths can be violent. If not violent they are nonetheless deceitful,mean and cruel.
The relationship is based of fraudulent needs and wants of the sociopath…not real love caring and compassion….aspartame is a fraudulent sweetner not a real sugar.
Or maybe we can call them Sweet & Low?
Any others you can think of???
The DSM IV, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition, lists out some of the symptoms that have to be present in an individual in order to be diagnosed as suffering from antisocial personality disorder. According to the DSM IV, this disorder falls in the Cluster B list of personality disorder. For a person to be diagnosed as a sociopath he or she must have at least three or more of the below mentioned symptoms.
Displays heightened levels of deceitfulness in dealings with others, which involves lying, conning others without remorse, or even using aliases — CJG didn’t use aliases to my knowledge, however being deceitful was his nature and conning others started when he got up in the morning! Whether it was me.JG, people he was working for, others he called “friends” but were really just people he had a use for at the present time…he would all of the sudden mention “:my friend (name)”…who he had never mentioned before and it almost always had something to do with him wanting something out of that person. See my other blog enteries for more info on this.
Inability to abide by the social norms— If he wanted something from you, CJG could be the most charming, engaging, and polite of people…if he wants nothing from you…..you don’t exist and he is extremely rude… there perhaps to provide the backgound fill for his empty world…and ignored.
Displays aggressiveness and often tends to get into assaults and physical fights— CJG claims he was a “golden gloves” fighter in high school…no record I can find of it. He claims to have been in a multitude of fights, altercations, beatings. Claims he has never hit a woman. I never witnessed CG fighting with anyone…just listened to his stories. I’m not even sure why he would tell me…it wasn’t impressive…perhaps he wanted to make himself seem “too dangerous” to piss off and manipulate me in that fashion.
Displays complete lack of empathy for others and their situation for which they are responsible — He certainly never had empathy for me or his family. CJG lied constantly to me and them to get his selfish needs met. Our relationship would not have happened if he told me he was married from the start. Married men are not on my list of available men! He never said anything nice about JG, CG said she was crazy . mean, and basically frigid…thereby making her responsible for the troubles in their marriage. Not once did he ever consider that the chaos has created with his lies has caused almost all the problems in any relationship he has been in. He also had no empathy for animals, and often “mimicked” hurting cats. He told me he threw his daughters cat once for scrathing a couch, and once killed a dog he claims was threatening his kids.
Displays no feelings or shallow feelings—even when his mother died CJG’s voice never broke when speaking of her death, nor did he shed a tear (in front of me anyway) In fact he told a story of how when they were in her hospital room prior to her passing that a “friends” belly button ring ( I don’t have have piercings!) fell out of his jacket pocket and everyone saw it…that was his highligte…go figure. He seemed to experience a loss but no real grief.
Displays impulsive behavior which is indicated by the inability to plan for the future—plan for the future??? CJG couldn’t catch up with his past…. which is now catching up with him! Constant impulsivity…on both positive and negative polarities. Impulsive drinking, eating, sex, spending, lying. There was no planning…if he did make a plan he denied he made one if he wanted out of the plan…which was 70% of the time. In the beginning of the relationship he make a request and that was … ” Be patient with me”. It turned out to be one of the most perposterous manipulative requests coming from someone who had a hair trigger response to most everything from a light touch….to a confrontational remark. This will be a subject for a future blog.
Displays no concern for safety of others around them or self— surely reckless with his own life—CJG fell off roofs, electrocuted a number of times but said he actually enjoyed that, fell down stairs, banged into walls,his truck had numerous dents and dings he always had a “sloppy” excuse for, scars from burns, and other “accidents. He claims to have beat the crap out of someone til the person was nearly dead, and he also claims he was shot. With all his lying I don’t know if most of this is true, he always said he was in pain, but I never witnessed him hurting himself. It seemed CG enjoyed pain. .
Inability to sustain a consistent behavior that stems mainly from irresponsibility especially at work place or in other dealings—his only consistency was manipulative lies and impulsive decsions. CJG was “let go” from his Town Position.
Displays promiscuous behavior —- As mentioned previously in other blog entries…I believe CJG has probably had affairs as long as he’s been married. He told me his brother in law has cheated on JG’s sister over 20 times…have a gut feeling it iasn’y his brother in law he was talking about..it was himself. He also loved talking about how women were always coming onto him, grabbing his ass and touching him…trust me…he wasn’t that good looking! Just manipulative and charming when he wanted to be!
There are other traits listed as well in other lists that I will write about in the future.
Bottom line: If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…it’s a duck!
Now threats. Really. What gives you the right to threaten?
This was a quote from CJG at the end of the relationship when I had saidthat I would “spill the beans on the whole relationship” if he didn’t provide evidence that JG really did have breast cancer as he had told me when he didn’t get divorced. As I previously wrote in an earlier blog, the outcome was that she apparently did not and never did. He had told a lie that I find among the most despicable anyone could tell. Just so he could still get sex and keep me hanging in the balance? Seems to be a lot of work to me! There may have been another reason in that he may have needed a positive reference for a court case (someone to say something good about him)…I’ll never know that for sure as I escaped before his deposition was to take place.
The point of this blog piece is to say that… Oh no! “The toy” spoke up!? Toys aren’t supposed to talk back! How dare this toy have a life and mind of its own?
When CJG had texted “what gives you the right to threaten” my immediate response back was “the same thing that gives you the right to lie”. Where I was thinking we all have the right to say what we will say…it took a moment for the 100 watt lightbulb to glow bright and I realized…. he really thought I didn’t have that right…wow! What a whack job!
I couldn’t believe CJG had actually said that…I had felt for a quite a awhile that he didn’t truly care and treated me like an a toy on a shelf that he could take out and play with when he felt like it, and for as long as he wanted to….again and again. Spending time together was always at his convenience. If I needed/wanted time, attention, or affection it didn’t matter. When I had confronted him on this issue previously I was always met by some sad set of excuses that certainly seemed believable and promises that he would “try” to meet my needs more often. My needs were completely secondary to his….and secondary to his needs meant he needed to pay attention to his other toys.
CJG owns or possesses people…he doesn’t love them (at least as most of us know love. It seemed ( from what he told me, and he said did) that he even treated his kids as possessions to control vs. actually loving them. If something happened that was less than favorable for one of them it was always someone else’s fault…again,,,someone harmed one of his toys and his reaction was to make the other person the “bad guy”. He always had to be seen as “the good guy”…a topic for another blog piece. He especially seemed to need to control his younger daughter, but though enabling her to not grow up,not necessarily by direct control. She, of course, reminded him of himself.
Perhaps toys isn’t the best word as much as tools. People to CJG are objects to accomplish a goal and once that goal is accomplished they become unnecessary and cumbersome, and therefore must be discarded to make room for the new tools for the next goal.
Learn how to recognize them. Then you can resist them.
Let's get disordered people out of government
4 out of 5 dentists recommend this blog.